


Big Girl

by cazmalfoy



Category: CSI: NY
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-03 03:03:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6594115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cazmalfoy/pseuds/cazmalfoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Linsday's thoughts on leaving for Montana.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Big Girl

**Author's Note:**

> This is set during The Lying Game (3x14).

I can still smell him. Every time I close my eyes his scent over powers me, my stomach flutters and I'm sure my heart skips a beat. He's nowhere near me at the moment; in fact we're not even in the same building. It's like his very essence follows me around, teasing my senses when I'm trying my hardest to concentrate.

In truth I'm glad Danny isn't around to see me leave. I don't think I could cope with seeing him right now. I have no idea where my head is at, but I do know that the last thing I want to do is hurt him even though I probably already have.

He did absolutely nothing to deserve being stood up at such a fancy restaurant and I know he at least deserved a phone call. I just couldn't do it; I couldn't do something I've wanted to do since I met him over a year ago.

I've come so close to conquering the demons of my past and when he asked me on a date, I thought it would be the last step I needed to take. When that letter arrived in the mail, summoning me back to Bozeman to testify against the bastard who killed all my friends, all those old memories resurfaced and I just couldn't deal with myself, never mind anyone else.

It took me three hours to write the note in my hand. I've tried explaining myself dozens of different ways but each time the paper ended up in the trash can. In the end all I could bring myself to write was:

Danny, I'm not good at long goodbyes - or short ones for that matter. But Montana calls and the cows are heading home. Moo! See you soon, Montana

What else could I say to a guy who has tried everything he can think of to convince me to go on a date, even though I keep turning him down with no valid reason?

There are so many things I want to tell him, to explain to him. I've never been quiet about my opinions, but for some reason with Danny the words won't come and I end up being stand-offish and cold.

I hope he knows this has got nothing to do with him. He's not the one at fault; I'm the one who needs to get my head right before I can focus on anything else. Hopefully, when I manage to get there, Danny will still want to talk to me after everything I've put him through.

 _It's time for me to go home_  
It's getting late, dark outside  
I need to be with myself and center, clarity  
Peace, Serenity  
\- Big Girls Don’t Cry, Fergie


End file.
